Upcoming Events for the Fall of 2010!
September 10, 2010
Mixed Game v Scottish Navy at 7pm _ CU
September 12, 2010
Start of the season
September 17, 2010
The NYCFHC Pub Golf Tournament
7:30pm tee - off
New York's newest and brightest Field Hockey Club plays in the NEFHA AGM men's and women's league in New York City.
A range of abilities from current and former Internationals to beginners - the underlying theme of the club is fun, and the club is well known for its emphasis on the social side!
Club Subscription fees: $150 for season Match fees: $10 per game
Games are played at Columbia University's Baker Fields located at:
333 W 218th St. New York
Founded in September 2008 by Danny Haydon with the vision that the Men's league had become lop-sided and in the spirit of competition, NYCFHC was born from the merger of a number of players from Greenwich FHC Mens 1st & 3rd teams - taking the place of the GFHC III in the league.
Along with founding members Simon Gittins, Tom Sheridan, Steven Van der Voort, Rob Parker, Todd Portsmore & Dave Jannuzzi, and with grateful thanks to GFHC & the NEFHA AGM league (Graham Rowbottom & Karl Sprules) for facilitating and allowing this new venture to occur.
NYCFHC is now fully established with both Men's and Women's teams in the league. Both having made playoffs in the 2009/2010 season!
CLUB photo's
upcoming SOCIAL events
groomer's REPORTS
UpcominG Socials:
> NYCFHC Pub Golf >
September 17th, 2010
Golf attire is heavily encouraged!
< clubHOUSE
Check Us out on Facebook >
> Archived Social Events
October 4th, 2009
It was not the first team social of the new season but there is a certain warm feeling you get when you return to the Club House that is Down the Hatch, a place where nobody knows your name. In fact Matt the bartender actually does think Steve is gay and my real name is Groomer.
But a great turn out after a hard fought game for the Ladies versus the scum!
The evening started out at a very relaxed, very social pace but decorum could not be maintained for long, and My Clubs hard cut-off of 6pm was never in danger of being adhered to. Such things will happen when people will insist on consuming from pitchers rather than the more traditional mugs and glasses (mentioning no names).
Perhaps unsurprisingly then, consumption games quickly followed. The low point of the day was a devastating loss to the scum in the mandatory Boat Race, however with our anchor, and fearless leader Audi, imbibing a pint of Vodka as her beverage of choice the defeat should have come as little surprise.
Baguette, perhaps a closet dominatrix, showed a great fervor for the rules (which I urge all of you to look up on the website) which may only be matched by the Creepy one himself, no doubt they will get along well. Pearl, slightly mortified by her new nickname was slow adjusting to the fast paced action that was the number after XX and I am sure was thankful to have RGG there to coach her through (Fines!!), he is a really great guy after all.
With the late game it was a truncated session, but it did not put a damper on our spirits and kudos to the rest of the gang who made it a very enjoyable social afternoon!
Thanks for coming award goes to Worm, Cookie, Brain, and Eikel, you may have won the game, but only one club left with the moral victory from the bar, and lets be honest, that is all that counts!
Cheers.
Groomer
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October 11th, 2009
Unfortunately, I was detained in San Diego looking after the needs of the country, so wasnt able to make the game, or the social. However, I heard on the grapevine that after a comprehensive slaughtering of Rye 2, we deviated from the norm and visited a nice dive bar aptly named the Blue Donkey in the UWS. Apparently the happy hour advertised for 1.30am was enough to entice a few hardcore members of NYCFHC to have a few drinks despite the late late game at Columbia University.
No consuming games this time, just the $10 pitcher and wings special! A new nickname was proudly given to our new South African Greg. He will henceforth be known as Benny Lava (please see You Tube!). Audi got up to her usual antics consuming vodka sodas, and it was nice to have a rare appearance from Relentless. The bar was very loud due to some raucous Yankee fans (from Puerto Rico) watching the game on the box, and conversations ranged from marathons and the financial markets to the difference between badgers, beavers and wolverines.
T-Bone came along to look after NSG who wanted to celebrate Columbus Day ably supported by his roommate Kush and his Badger
Halloween is coming up fast, and we will be co-hosting (with GFHC) an event on Friday October 30th at The Delancey in the LES. It would be great to have a good turn out from NYCFHC to show what a unified and social club we are! Details to come.
Groomer.
_________________
October 18th, 2009
Once again, I spent game day on a plane. This time I was in London, seeing the Queen and learning some skills from my brother, Legend. However, from what I hear, NYCFHC did itself proud on both the pitch and at DTH on Sunday.
Lauded like heroes on arrival at DTH, the staff decided to change their rules just for NYCFHC and extend their happy hour. The hardcore and friends set about eating as many hot wings as they could order from the somewhat learning disabled atomic wing guy. A few pitchers deep and the bar staff were providing shots for their favourite customers!
Once settled around our traditional cosy table, we set about giving the mandatory nicknames to our new players and visitors to the social circle. Welcome to Mark Bungle Brazier, James Pubes Frankish, Steph KY Johnson, and Marloes Loose. Relentless was President until he passed the mantle to Creepy who provided some obsessive rule-enforcing, before Bungle introduced a new game of Up/Down that required a lot of thought and attention. Loose was having trouble with English, Porno was struggling with which hand to consume with, Audi was keeping very quiet and Pearl was very proudly showing off her playing uniform. Baguette should really have been punished more as her attention was on football and her BF Zero. KY picked up the rules fast and NSG kept his hair entertaining for all. No hard cut-offs this time, and a session that lasted well into the night
Upcoming Social Events:
- Halloween on Friday October 30th at The Delancey in the LES.
- Holiday Party/The Return of Groomer to Social Activities: Dec 5th venue TBA
November 1st, 2009
This week I was detained in beautiful Canada, learning how to save short corner drag flicks. I was unsuccessful, and so was my team playing against the Mounties.
From what I hear though, there was some slightly lethargic play on Sunday, some would say courtesy of the big Halloween bash on Friday night. Great to see such a good turn-out of NYCFHC players at the social event. Most people had made a great effort with their costumes that is apart from RGG, who showed up with his 3 buddies all dressed identically. We couldnt work out if he was supposed to be Snow Patrol or Arctic Monkeys..
MyClub and Relentless looked a very happy queer couple as Ernie and Bert, Audi was dressed as an extremely tall Jockey, Karen was catwoman, Pubes was a pimp, Bungle a dashing Austin Powers, Porno was Cruella de Ville and Erin and Liz were Hooters girls! Some couldnt hack the pace and were summoned home in a taxi before the party even got going (Relentless). All in all, there were plenty of hangovers and for some they lasted through to Sunday.
After the game, MyClub was joined by S-Bomb, Liz, Erin, Pearl and Karen for a very mature couple of beers and a bite in the UES. Somehow they lost Slider and Baguette on route. It was uncharacteristic as the louts from the Mens team were not in attendance and all the bars were rocking after the NY Marathon. Nothing of interest to report other than Pearl likes ice-cream as much as she likes booze, and Erin and Liz will be featuring at the 42nd Street Hooters this month. Just ask for Miss March and Miss June.
Upcoming Social Events: Holiday Party/The Return of Groomer to Social Activities: Dec 5th venue TBA
November 15th, 2009
This week I was further afield in South America. Buenos Aires, Argentina to be exact. Its pretty nice and sunny and coincidentally Porno is down here too, and being an excellent tour guide! I hear things are going well in my absence and I cant wait to be back with the crew. Just so you know, I have let in 12 goals in 2 games the same number of goals NYCFHC has conceded in half a season..
After the NYCFHC ladies had finished, no time was wasted in starting the journey south to the Clubhouse. My Club had left early to revise with his present and NSG was heard in the car park saying to My Club "Your exam is annoying me" at his lack of social attendance. Matt the Bartender was happy to see the NYCFHC crew and everyone tucked into wings and beer. Some small games of "Fives" with Baguette, Pearl, Pubes, Pocket Rocket (formerly known as Emily) and RGG were soon made into a bigger game with Creepy's arrival, he was given some fines by Relentless for not wearing his NYCFHC top and for having showered, done his hair and popped his collar.
The number after 20 commenced with some random additions, The Count and his crazy sister had been adopted temporarily. NSG had some friends along who soon joined in and added some troublesome rules when we got one of the usual tables. They were named Doctor Nutsac II and Georgina. We then adopted a Dutch consuming game suggested by the new Doctor Nutsac. This was adapted by the NYCFHC crew and some new rules added. Audi was in her element with the butt slapping hand signal! Relentless re-appeared after football and joined the game without the need for coaching; Baguette was prolific in enforcing the rules and more pitchers kept appearing. It could have gone long into Sunday night but the Dutch crew departed for dinner and the gaming was brought to a close. A good social attendance, Matt was very worried to hear that we had played our last game for this half of the season and winter trips to DTH were being planned.
Upcoming Social Events: Holiday Party/The Return of Groomer to Social Activities: Friday Dec 4th venue TBA
March 21st, 2010
This weekend saw the second half of our season get underway at Drew University, out in New Jersey. Our opponents were Rye Hockey Club, a team we have traditionally underperformed against in the past. For those of you unfamiliar with Ryes storied history, I will provide a brief synopsis as found on the clubs website.**
Semyon Chekov Uri Medvedev, a former KGB agent, figure skater and notorious deviant founded Rye Hockey Club in 1966.
Medvedev was a promising figure skater in his youth, but repetitive groin injuries sustained under mysterious circumstances prevented him from realizing his Olympic dreams. He worked in the St Petersburg Academy for Athletes Who Better Win Gold Or Else (SPAAWBWOE) for a number of years where he pioneered the wildly successful shoot on sight approach for gymnasts who couldnt stick their landings. He was then recruited into the KGB where he developed a slight sociopathic disposition. He came to The US in 1963 after Vladimir Semichastny (then head of the KGB) lost him to Sir Harold Caccia (of the British consulate here in New York) in a game of poker.
Medvedev returned to New York with Sir Harold, but his boarish manners resulted in him being shunned from decent society and left with no choice but to relocate to Rye.
He found a welcoming home for himself north of the city, but memories of his days in SPAAWBWOE terrorizing young people inspired him to establish a hockey club. After eliminating the appropriate council members and making a kings ransom for himself (by, ironically, kidnapping and then ransoming off the children of wealthier members of society) he was able to acquire a large plot of land in the Bronx and Rye Hockey Club was founded.
Medvedevs dream was to create a club full of generic athletes with no measureable trace of personality, artistry or intellectual enterprise. To this end, he was an undeniable success and to this day, Rye has continued to produce scores of young men who live up to these hideously depressing Communist ideals.
Medvedev died in 1972 after a long battle with various other diseases one acquires after a lifetime of unimaginable depravity. His legacy lives on in the form of his initials commonly being attached to the end of the clubs name. i.e. The Rye SCUM.
**(the above is obviously a complete fabrication and in no way was meant to offend the good people of Rye Hockey Club, they are true gentleman indeed and I am sure will see the humorous side of my tale).
But enough of the history lesson and back to the hockey.
With the long rest period over the holidays it was my sincere hope that I would be able to report we were able to field full strength side with all members present and eager and ready to get the second half of the season underway. This sadly was not the case. For the last months have not been kind to all members of the mighty NYCFHC, but no one has had to endure more than our good friend and team mate RGG. Suffering with undisclosed medical issues that resulted in a rather extensive rash, as well as a pulled calf, RGG turned to technology for the cure. Undergoing a highly experimental process, he was cryogenically frozen and then thawed. Though I am delighted to inform you that the rash and the calf appear to be fully healed, it is my unhappy duty to report that this still very experimental process has slightly warped RGGs mind. He now believes himself to be one of the valociraptors from Jurassic Park. Owing to his impressive athletic ability he has managed to escape the research facility and is currently terrorizing the local area. Thus far he is believed to be responsible for killing 7 dear, 3 cats, a greyhound and an entire family of badgers in Central Park. If you see RGG while you are out, authorities implore you to run away as fast as you ruddy well can, and if possible throw him a raw steak to buy yourself precious extra seconds.
So with RGG unavailable to play, others would have to step up, so it was with great relief we were able to welcome in to the squad, Fingers and Brown Eye, who bough just the kind of veteran savvy we like to have here at NYCFHC. Groomer was asked to go in goal, which in hindsight was a mistake. Fresh off of a run in with RGG on Saturday night, his injuries obviously got the better of him, and the medication he was on for the pain clearly impacted his coordination. Not a trait you are looking for in your goalkeeper. Hence the 6 goals that were conceded.
However, members of Dannys club are made of stiffer stuff, and were not about to let a drunken keeper impact their spirits or their determination. There was some tremendous hockey played, resulting in goals from Relentless, My Club, Creepy (a piece of individual brilliance) and Casper. But alas, it would not be enough. Even an inspired performance from man of the match Brown Eye could not put the club over the top and we fell 4-6.
But what we lacked on the field, we more than made up for in post match activities! Regular readers will know what followed, and it is with great pride I can tell you there was an epic consuming session at DTH, highlighted by Fingers fingers, (my word they are large) and Audi representing our ladies team, yet again playing consuming games with vodka, but deciding against laying prone in the ladies bathrooms this time! Reflex, 44E and Snooki joined the fray and assisted us in saying farewell to Pubes after his last game for NYCFHC before returning to London.
March 28th, 2010
Light one this week folks. We sent Pubes off in style with an abbreviated bar crawl on Saturday. The first 3 bars were closed, so we took a de-tour and ended up at the Fat Hippo which was serving $1 beers until 6pm. We thought about moving on at 6pm, when we were informed that beers would now be $2 each. Suffice to say we stayed at this bar, the crawl disbanded and we happily inebriated Pubes
With a merry bunch of 12 in tow, we headed to Sing Sing Karaoke to air the lungs. There was no Club Song by Black Eyed Peas, but lots of old rock classics with Relentless, NSG and MyClub giving their best impressions. At the end of the night, Pubes sang us all a lullaby and we went home. Good luck back in the UK our friend!
I was disappointed to hear that there was no social run by the girls after the game. We will need to address that!
Upcoming Social Events: Miami Tour (17th/18th April), Party Bus/BBQ (possibly May 23rd)..
April 25th, 2010
Ladies and Gents,
There were some dark, dark moments over the weekend, and some mighty highs as well, so guess I should start at the beginning.
The Case of the Goal Keeping Kit.
With the ladies due to play a game Sunday morning before the boys, they were short a keeper and keeping kit. Never fear, however, as the saying goes where theres a will theres a way, and when there is a Dutch girl on your team who is willing to have balls slung at her for the afternoon there is a goalie! Ben Je Nat?!
Now for the goalie kit. It would be Audis job to retrieve it from Groomer. And this is where it gets a little dark. Groomer had spent a wonderful afternoon with Creepy, Fingers, Tom Hanks and Bruce Springsteen.
Audi had the misfortune of arriving mid-game, and was forced to wait as no one could hear the doorbell with all the commotion inside. Finally the thespian opened the door. Hanks was barking out pretend mission objectives before issuing uniforms and M1 Garand rifle replicas to Springsteen and Fingers. He was telling Springsteen, Bruce, you're the tough guy from Brooklyn who cares a lot more than he lets on and everybody calls you 'Brooklyn,'". Upon seeing Audi, realizing that she was not the paratrooper air support he had radioed for, he sent Groomer to make the kit exchange as he had to go and deal with the advancing German Panzer unit (Creepy in an arm chair). Groomer, in his bloodied shirt handed the keeping kit over before shutting the door and ducking as Creepy had fired an electronic toothbrush meant to be a mortar at his head.
(Thank you The Onion)
Down The Hatch
Tensions were running high from the previous evenings war games when the group met to drive out to Jersey. Having been told he had been shot by Groomer with a hockey stick meant to be a rifle, Creepy refused to play dead, insisting that his invisible shield had saved him. Despite Fingers assuring him that no invisible shields had been invented during WWII, Creepy got cranky and left. So the majority of the car ride was spent in silence with several shifty looks being thrown between the driver and the back seat.
However, a 7-0 drubbing of the dirty, dirty Dutchmen (sorry NSG, you are not dirty), was enough to make everyone forget about past hostilities and order was restored as we arrived at DTH.
The writing was on the wall, and as sure as the accelerator on your Prius will stick, we started gaming. Creepy, still believing he held the rank of Captain that Hanks had bestowed on him the previous evening, presided over a very fast paced game of three man. Too fast for some! Try as he might NSG could not coach Special quick enough, it seems they do not actually have dice in South Africa, and Buffy (henceforth to be known as Special) was in absolute awe of the rolling wonders. This would never do, not for a member of Dannys Club, and as is often the case the with elderly and the incontinent, Special was provided a minder in the form of NSG. He would share all fines and penalties that were taken on by Special. It would be enough to break the man. Whether the result of sheer rage, or wonky English, only random outbursts of What the F??? would be heard form NSG for the rest of the evening.
The Engagement
It is with great pleasure I can now bring you the wonderful news of the Weekend. NYCFHC will soon have its first inter-club marriage.
Just as the club was welcoming new member Hendricks, (and her two lovely friends who we have yet to name), Reflex walked back over to the table holding half a pitcher of beer. It was at that stage that My Club shouted (rather recklessly in this authors opinion) that Reflex should attempt to finish the pitcher. Laughable, surely! The jug was bigger than she was, and the origins of her name would certainly preclude her from completing such a feat.
But it was at that time we found that all the best things come in small packages (thats what she said!) and my word didnt she just start consuming from the pitcher right then and there. The sense of pride and astonishment was clear to see, but perhaps none more so than in Fingers. By golly it was simply too much for the man to take. The chugging beauty had won his heart and he was not going to let her get snapped up by any other man. He proposed. Conditional of course on her successful completion of the task at hand. And wouldnt you know it, down on bended knee, took his prize hand in hand as she let out a window shaking belch. And Ill be a member of Rye hockey club if there was not a tear in the eye of every single patron at that moment.
Congratulations!!
May 2nd, 2010
I am feeling a little under the weather today. Iit seems a mysterious illness contracted from the lead paint used to coat the NYCFHC beer pong table has cut me deep. In fact, it has cut me down to the core. Thank god then, that for Groomers corner this week, I managed to get my hands on RGGs diary from the weekend. Some pretty shocking stuff I must say - anger, hate, apathy, alcoholism, a fondness for gnomes. All in there.
Fri 2.24pm Just returned from immigration lawyers place. I am beginning to think something is not quite right. They say they are a new start up, but these two guys, Lay and Skilling are a little shady if you ask me. Plus, they keep referring to their mate on the inside Bernie. But I have no idea what they are talking about. Their office is only one room in the basement of Century 21 and there is no other inside I can see. 14 months and still no green card. They have asked for more money again. Obviously I will pay them. It would be beyond me to doubt wiser men than I.
Ps. Groomer invited me to lunch with a plaything but I have little interest in Groomer anymore, he is more of a buzz kill than Sir Buzzkillinton.
Fri 8.49pm There is a crazy hat party going on a Groomers place. I have no interest in going. The last time I went to one of his stupid soirees I made several bad decisions, streaked naked down 5th Ave, while one girl commented on how cold it was. I have no idea what she was talking about, it was like 90 degrees!
Sat 7.02am OH NO!! Not again!. I woke up in central park again in my boxers covered in blood, and hugging my favourite childhood garden gnome!. The half eaten carcass of a wild deer next to me. I am having veloceraptor flashbacks again.
Sat 7.16am in need of floss, deer hair and meat wedged between back molars.
Sat 4.00pm Preparing for my night out. I have done hundreds of press ups at Boot Camp. There is nothing American girls love more than my finely sculpted pecs. They are bulging now. There is no way I will not be getting lucky this evening. I have finished listening to my Wooster and Jeeves tapes to keep my accent strong. That is also key to gaining a ladys trust. There is no way they will think I am creepy if I have an accent and swollen pecs. No way!
Sat 9.10pm I arrive fashionably late to my evenings entertainment with my friends from Snow Patrol. However I am annoyed. Greatly. While doing my final set of pushups and whacking back a protein shake before leaving, I see Groomer on the TV. He is at the Yankee game. I am livid to see he is with NSG and not me. I have no interest in Groomer anymore. Nor NSG for that matter..
Sat 9.48pm - I have challenged several guidos to dance offs. None have accepted. It is obvious to all I am superior in almost every way. My wife beater is whiter that theirs, my hair more gelled, and I will almost certainly be able to drink more Jager Bombs than they will. Cowards!
Sat 11.52pm. Creepy has invited me to Brother Jimmys as he has a plaything too. I have little interest in Creepy anymore.
Sun 1.20am. God I am great, ladies love me! They are all pointing and smiling. My decision to come to the club without my Snow Patrol entourage is justified. I am preparing to begin my courtship of one very orange lady in the corner. She is not the most attractive girl in the room, but this has seldom bothered me. She is definitely the most orange. I text MyClub to let him know that I am still considering my options regarding the semi-important game in the morning.
Sun 04.33am Preparing to leave, - SUCCESS, I will not be leaving alone. Tracy is coming with me, she obviously likes my pecs. She will not stop touching them. I am great!
P.S I have received a text from Bungle. He is in Vegas and in Heaven. I have little interest in Bungle anymore.
P.P.S I have also received a text from Pubes. He tells me that he saw Harry Jawanka has a sponsored car back in England and how pathetic that is I have no interest in either of these guys
Sun - 5.19am I have text My Club to let him know I will have little interest in him in the future. I prefer post booze sleep and orange juice.
Sun 8.32am I have missed the game for NYCFHC, but it is of little bother, I have no interest in that club anymore
Thanks to all that made the Crazy Hat Party was great to see NYCFHC in fine form!
May 9th, 2010
I took the weekend off and went to visit my Grandmother in Fort Lauderdale for her birthday. I knew the guys would be fine and win their game without my silky skills in the midfield. Some people laughed at my sensitive side, but I really had multiple agendas. I took the opportunity to visit one of Miamis famed Tattoo parlors to get the grand NYCFHC logo emblazoned on a fairly discrete part of my flesh. It looks pretty amazing and if you are lucky enough to get to see it, you are in for a treat! For those that dont know, the touring party in Miami voted into NYCFHC legislature that anyone to have the logo tattooed or vajazzled was to become a life member, being waived subs and match fees for entirety! This was enough incentive for me!
It was also pleasing that RGG took some medication this week and after writing a very heartfelt apology, and absorbing the returning abuse he was welcomed back into the fray by his teammates. In not so pleasing events, it turns out that the visiting plaything may have acquired an NYCFHC hoodie without consent. If anyone sees this hoodie being worn in the depths of Kent, England, feel free to lynch the wearer and return it to its rightful home in NYC.
There was no social after the game this week, mostly because I wasnt there to encourage it, but also because people are saving themselves up for the End of Season dinner that I can assure you (based on experience last year) is really an event not to be missed. Bring your loved one and come and see who won the awards for the season its a great deal for a 3 course meal and 3 hour premium open bar at a great venue! Make sure you are there ALL of you!!
May 16th, 2010
With a lot of the Mens team choosing to pursue other ventures this weekend, it was left to a select bunch to bat for NYCFHC and put up a good showing. And what a showing it was!
Bungle and Brown-Eye had a wedding (the same one?), RGG was playing with dear again, Relentless had taken the ladies Captain to the windy city for a mini-break, Edan was working, Buffy was stuck in ash in London, S-Bomb was gambling, and Coco was driving little boys around CT..Thank goodness for Legend and pulling Wedge out of semi-retirement!
I had to drive the mini-van to the game as we were taking along our biggest fan and strongest supporter for this important game my mother! It was a beautiful day and all credit to the boys for pulling off a momentous win in difficult circumstances. We did the right thing and established a workable tradition of having a cooler full of beer for the traffic jam on the return to the city.
With it being a late game and a late return to the city, we passed on DTH and instead camped at our potential sponsors for next seasons place (Brother Jimmys)for dinner. It was a fine feast of South in our Mouth, and with our guests leaving for the evening and Creepy escorting his pregnant wife home, it was left to Fingers, NSG, MyClub and I to have one for the road.
What ensued was a fast paced game of Alternative 3-man. The ridges in the table provided a new dimension to the game and it quickly became an order of 2 pitchers. Our waitress decided to join the game, complete with some shots of Redneck. Fingers was getting dangerously close to cheating on Reflex and MyClub was finding any excuse to not be studying. It was only NSG with his masterful rolling that kept it contained. Closing time at the bar came round, but 3 man rolled on. With the 7th or 8th round rolling in, and midnight on a Sunday showing on the clock at nearby Madison Square Garden it was felt that we should retire to our respective abodes. Good work boys!
Please get your RSVPs in for the End of Season dinner its filling up!
May 23rd, 2010
We finally had a weekend which saw the girls join the boys in a return to action on the field and, more importantly, in the bar. As you see my dear readers, this has not been the case as of late, and I will tell you why.
Quite simply put, it is all RGG/Bruces fault. He was terrorizing them. Regular readers of this column will have been following the exploits of our dear friend and teammate. He has not been well. After receiving various treatments for a strained calf he was left with some strong mental side effects. Believing he was a carnivore from the late cretaceous period, he took to biting some of our female members in public, a disgusting habit. This was followed by the all-encompassing belief that he was a Guido fist pumping Adonis. And here we had the back breaker. While our lovelier members could take the nibbling, clawing and all out flesh tearing, it seems what they could not tolerate was the constant amounts of body glitter, hair gel and Old Spice whenever he was in the room. However I am happy to report that since RGG has little interest in NYCFHC anymore, the girls are back, and how!
(RGG update: Bruce is currently on tour, with himself, having started a new rap group, he is the only member, New Man on the Block. His first single I am Great hits scores next week. We wish him well).
The cooler has proved to be a marvelous addition to the club. With the boys having finished their game, our attention was now focused on the ladies, and their game. There is no better way to watch the ladies win in marvelous style, than while enjoying a cold one. So it started early Sunday. Even My Club was in good form. So good in fact he offered to help the girls with their half time talk. Well at least thats what he told the lads. It was not until the girls again took the field for the second half that it was painfully obvious he had no such intention. You see My Club, in order to give the half time speech you need to actually talk. Not just stand there and ogle our lovely lady member;, such loitering and behavior will fast earn you a reputation as a potential Groomer and you will be cast out with RGG and the rest of his band.
After some casual gaming (did not know this was possible but it seems without Creepy, the gaming Nazi, it actually is!) by the field, it was off to the Clubhouse. The highlight of the journey was not Audis driving, but in fact watching MyClub get iced in the front seat! It was a pleasure to welcome some new social circle members and help them with nicknames. So again, Twice, Snake Eyes, J-Bacca, Llama and Pink/Potty - great to have you there and look forward to the continued attendance!! On arrival it was upsetting and surprising to find that our clubhouse had actually been rented out for a private function later in the evening, as a result we were left with only 3 hours to start the festivities! As it turns out it was all for a worthwhile cause. The S.P.A.A.N (Society for the Protection of Australians Against Ninjas) had rented out our beloved venue in order to raise funds and awareness of the recent horrors that are occurring across the world at the moment. It seems in what is fast growing into a humanitarian crisis, Australian males are being systematically targeted and executed by the lithe footed little devils and their stealthy, throat cutting, invisible ways. Terrible. My Club, Fingers and J-Bacca, we will protect you, but Edan, sorry mate, you will be operation Decoy, the precious time you buy us with your sacrifice will not be in vain.
So with the clock ticking, the gaming started at a furious pace. Little time for explaining the rules, Specials were allocated to the more experienced of the group, (pairing rookies with boozing stalwarts in order to get them up to speed on rules . Fingers would shepherd llama (see what I did there), and it must be said, she needed no watching. Her ability to pick up the pace of play was outmatched only by her ability to hand out large fines!! Well played! Pink/Potty was assigned to My Club, and while one might have suspected this was not Pinks first time playing with the international consuming rules (she is English after all!) all doubt was removed as soon as play commenced. What a pro! Perhaps the most cunning of all was the Dutch wonder Snake Eyes. A novice coming into the proceedings, it is obvious she is no dummy. She was on top of the rules so fast, at several stages helping her appointed Special Leader, Groomer. But you would come to expect this from a recent MIT graduate and someone that has come up with a plan for world peace in her spare time. But alas, dear readers there is always one who lets the side down, and while her presence was nothing short of an inspiration to the rest of her consuming mates, her banter was witty, her company appreciate. a Rhodes Scholar at booze games Twice is not! Dont ask me how, but for some reason the really special Specials always find their way to NSG. My word did he have to do a lot of consuming. I have not seen a beating like that since my last visit to a Dominatrix house in Amsterdam, where the poor fellow on the wrong end of a rubber hose lashing forgot his safe word! You took it like a man NSG, but you were never going to beat the rubber hose!
As a result, and something which I am sure will come as little shock to those who know him, NSG lost his words. His English is wonky at the best of times, but put the better part of 34 pitchers into the man the only thing he is able to say is F. There is a cure for this though, for when he cannot speak anymore, by golly he can sing! Off to karaoke it was then!
We were joined by Pelican and Cookie in the large backroom of NYCFHCs new favorite sing song spot! Well where to start? Audi, Cookie and Ben Je Nat? gave several rousing interpretations of popular music, NSG, Fingers and your author did their best to destroy anything and everything Meatloaf has ever penned, and My Club (very camp) and Reflex were Spice Girls for the evening. Nothing too surprising here to report however beers were consumed, songs were sung (barely) and merriment was spread to all!! NYCFHC, you did yourself proud yesterday. Rye HC.. Greenwich HC Westchester CAN YOU HEAR ME?? Your just took one hell of a beating!! (on the only place that counts the moral score card).
Kudos to all that attended.
June 7th, 2010
Well there is plenty to cover this week folks. However let me address some concerns I have been hearing in recent weeks, and I promise to keep this corner to under 40 pages. It seems scrolling through my endless ramblings in order to get to the important bits of information from My Club at the bottom have been causing some severe carpal tunnel syndrome in some of your wrists. So to this I say, I dont care. Use the page down button and be done with it.
Now for our weekly RGG update.
After the massive failure that was his music career, (his first, and only single I am Great sold only 33 copies, one to his mother, and the other 32 it seems he bought himself with his pocket money) RGG was deported back to the UK. It did seem for a moment though that his fortunes had picked up, as he landed a cushy job, replacing Tony Hayward as CEO of a certain British oil company. However all is not well at BP. Evidently after RGG took the reins, a colossal and uninterrupted stream of BS has been let loose by none other than RRG himself. Experts put the number anywhere from 25,000-75,000 words per day. Devastating on a truly global scale. One New York based expert went as far as to say We are looking at a staggering amount of sh1t here.
Come back Bruce and all will be forgiven.
The BBQ that never was.
My Club had offered to host a BBQ for several members of the club on Saturday. A generous offerr indeed. Until at the last minute disaster struck. An infestation of bed bugs had spread throughout his apartment and threatened to put the whole thing on hold. However, never one to disappoint, My Club offered up Groomers place, and the venue was moved. So with NSG, Groomer, My Club, Fingers, Reflex, Ben je Nat and new member Amish all sitting outside, it was only then that I decided to confess. When I had said BBQ, I meant a few merry beverages outside. And by that, I meant I did not actually own a BBQ. So as many a party goes at Groomers place, there was much boozing, followed by an impromptu dance party with beer pong. A lovely day.
I think it must have been the sun that got him, but My Club was not quite right by the end of the night. Not wanting to send him back to the no doubt poodling relentless, and the infestation of biting insects that awaited him, I took my friend in and tucked him up in bed. He looked almost angelic as he slept. I was standing over him like a proud father when he unleashed. Unleashed the most volcanic stream of puke one has ever seen. Take it from me dear reader that had his head been pointed skyward, flights into the greater NY area would have been delayed for days. Half digested chips and three grapes went everywhere. There is only one thing to do in a case like this, and Fingers the Executioner, upon acting My Club (Groomers) orders, took him out the back and beat him like the ginger stepchild with the handle of a rusty vacuum cleaner. Lesson learnt.
The Maestro Performs.
